


A War Has Many Causalities

by Blackwidow1984



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 03:44:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7151699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blackwidow1984/pseuds/Blackwidow1984
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during Captain America: The First Avenger<br/>It is shortly after Steve rescues Bucky (November 1943) at the Hydra Facility with the Howling Commandos and they are staying at the camp until they are shipped back to New York. This is a story about Bucky mainly and him struggling with the after effects of Zola’s experimentation, it also includes characters like Steve Rogers (obvs.) Howling Commandos, Agent Peggy Carter (bad ass) and Colonel Phillips.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky's POV

 

_Dear Connie, I thought I might let you know I am alive and safe at a base in Italy. I know you must've heard that I was MIA but you can't get rid of me that easily. Myself and the unit were captured and taken to a weapon's facility in the Alps. Every day I was there I thought of you, wishing I could see your face again and to hear your voice. But I guess reading your words are as much as I am going to get. Please when you get this; write back as soon as possible._

I was sitting in my tent that myself, the Howling Commando’s and Steve shared since we came back he stunt Steve pulled to free me and the other soldiers from HYDRA clutches out a couple days ago.  After writing the letter I placed it in an envelope and wrote the hospital code that belonged to the last place Connie was positioned. I had found the postal tent it was on its way to Connie. I had a smile on my face which I rarely had since I had been enlisted. But after seeing the horrors of war it was rarity to be able to smile. The Howling Commandos were a team made up of elite soldiers; they were really the only friends I had on the battlefield.

 

I met Dum Dum Dugan and Gabe Jones before we had been captured by HYDRA. When we arrived at the HYDRA weapons facility, we met French soldier Jaquez Demier, British soldier James Montgomery Falsworth and Jim Morita. After a failed attempt to escape I was sent into the jaws of hell that was the isolation clinic, which Arnim Zola was in charge of and they experimented on me. I don't remember much of it as such but I remember hearing my own screams as they jabbed needles into me. I shuddered at the thought. _I am safe now_ , I thought. My hands started to shake but I hid them out of sight.

 

I walked back to my assigned tent, there were soldiers walking around and tents filled the camp, it was completely full with soldiers sent straight to other camps when we arrived because of the amount of people Steve saved.  I walked into the tent only to see the group sitting around the tent laughing. But when my presence became known they turned to me with large grins. “Where did you go? you ran out of here faster than a speeding bullet” Dum Dum Dugan asked. I sat on my lazy excuse of a bed, but at least there was a bed instead of a metal table, “Had to post a letter” I answered.

“To who?” Gabe asked.

“To a friend” I answered back.

 

It was about two hours later when Steve finally got back from his meeting with Colonel Phillips, The Commando's and I were telling each other stories. Steve walked in exhausted and he sat down on his bed which was next to mine. “Did you have fun?” I asked with a smirk, all I got in return was an unamused face. “Far from anything related to the word fun” he finally answered. “We all leave for New York in a couple of days where we can all have a break” Steve said.

 

“I think we can all agree to that” Dugan said aloud which was followed by a cheer of happiness from everyone else. I excused myself from the circle and sat opposite Steve on my bed, “How are you holding up?” he asked as he untied his shoes. “Well, I have all my limbs still and I haven't lost all my sanity” I said jokingly. He looks at me in concern, “Steve, I am fine” I reassure him and I can tell he isn't satisfied. By 6pm we are eating in the mess tent, although we can barely hear ourselves think over everyone's chatter we sit and eat the horrible excuse for food.

 

We all walk back to our tent and get ready for bed, although the Commandos are still fully awake and playing cards Steve and I lie down on our beds talking to each other. “I saw a poster of you in that costume, I must say you look quite dashing in the America flag” I joked.

“Very funny Buck” he said back.

“No seriously, after the war's ended I am sure there will be a space opened up for you in a musical. Or they could name a musical after you” I continued.

“I will never wear that costume again” he said.

“Keep it, in all honesty although it looks ridiculous. It has become the symbol of hope and freedom and that is exactly what we need” I said. Soon everyone was in bed and sleeping.

 

_I was lying on a cold metal table and straps held me down as a needle went into my arm causing extreme pain and all I could do was shout. I couldn't move and no one was coming to rescue me. All I could hear was a voice...Zola's. He was talking to what seemed to be a doctor. He turned to me and came close to me as he stuck a needle into my other arm causing me to shout again. My vision became blurred, “What...did...You...to...me?” I ask as I began to lose consciousness. “Sargent Barnes, we gave you a drug that will lead HYDRA into a new era where we become all supreme” He said. Another needle is placed into my skin._

I woke up panting and sweat dripping of me. Luckily nobody woke up, my hands were shaking and my body felt numb, I felt like I was going to vomit. I stumbled out of the tent and walked along it, my vision was shaky and before I knew it I was vomiting. It felt disgusting; I put my hand on my stomach and placed my other hand on the tent to lean on.


	2. Chapter 2

_Steve's POV_

 

I woke up to the sound of what seemed to be someone being sick; I turned over to see not Bucky there. I got up from underneath the sheets and walk outside only to see Bucky leaning over vomiting, I noticed his hand was shaking and he looked weak. “Bucky, are you alright?” I asked in a concerned tone, no response. I stand next to him, and he looked up at me. His eyes looked tired and I could smell the vomits on his breathe. “I'm...fine” he answered, but in no way was he fine. “Let's get you cleaned up” I said, I put my arm underneath his arm pit for support and walked with me basically carrying him to the shower room. He cleaned himself up and we walked back to the tent, he could hold himself up but I could tell his vision was unsteady because his walking was jagged and I noticed his hands were shaky.

_Bucky's POV_

 

I hated getting Steve worried; it was usually me getting worried about him whenever he got sick or decided he wanted to be a punching bag. “You alright?” Steve asked, It wasn't like it was my first nightmare but I had a feeling it wouldn't be my last.

“Don't worry about me Steve, I am fine” I said back.  I was the strongest one out of both of us, but it doesn't seem he needs me to be the strong one and I can't protect him anymore.

“No you’re not Bucky” he said defensively, I didn't answer back.

I was glad he was denied  enlistment because then he would've been safe, but no he had get his ass over here and be an idiot, but  at least I can keep an eye on him.

 

We made it to the tent, I still felt bad but at least I stopped vomiting, I noticed my hands were shaking and I tried to hide them by folding my arms. I needed to get away from here, just to clear my head and I doubt I could've gotten back to sleep. “I'm going for a walk, be back” I said as I grabbed my jacket but before I could leave Steve spoke up. “I'll come with you” Steve said, I told him I needed to be alone for a little bit, he didn't like the idea at first, but then gave up trying to persuade me.

 

I walked around the camp for a while, I saw some soldiers who were most likely on night duty walking around the camp as well. Around the outside of the camp there was a tall fence which blocked people from getting in and getting out. There was a sign on the fence reading 'Do Not Climb', but I climbed nevertheless after checking if the coast was clear. Once I was on the other side of the fence I ran into the forest and hid behind a tree I peeked around the tree to check, nobody. I walked for what seemed to be awhile.

I sat on the ground with my back leaning against a tree, the night was so clear with the Stars shining brightly and the moon above I felt at peace. I sat there watching the sky and before I knew it, I noticed the night becoming lighter and it was becoming morning, _I had better get back, before they notice me gone_ , I thought to myself.

 

I race back the way I came and once I checked if there was anyone around I quickly climbed the fence and I was in the camp. I walked towards the tent, as I enter the tent everyone is asleep but Steve. He is sitting nervously on the bed,

“Where have you been?” he asked directly.

“I told you walking” I said as I removed my jacket.

“That was four hours ago” he said

“Well I'm back; did you seriously stay up waiting for me?” I asked

 

“I woke up about an hour ago, I was worried” said Steve, showing his puppy dog eyes. I could hear moaning coming from where the Commandos were sleeping. “You guys want to keep it down” Gabe said with a tired tone, “Yeah, I am trying to finish my beauty sleep” Dum Dum Dugan added. Before anyone could say anything else, a soldier came into the tent “Rise and shine, Colonel Phillips wants to talk to all of you” he said which caused the Howling Commando's to moan, but they finally sat up in their beds.

 

The soldier left our tent, “what are you chaps talking about anyway?” James Falsworth asked as he stood up and stretched. “Nothing” I answer before Steve can say anything, “Don't sound like nothing” Jim Morita. We get dressed in our new army uniforms and make our way to Colonel Phillips “office” tent, where Agent Carter and Colonel Phillips are awaiting us.

 

_Steve's POV_

We enter the tent where I see Agent Carter, we exchange smiles and I realized we are not alone. I snap back to reality, but not before Bucky gave me a smirk. I was worried about Bucky, but I know he wouldn't want to worry me about what was happening with him. “Captain Rogers, we want to form a team of elite soldiers to take down HYDRA threats, so we can once and for end this god forsaken war” Colonel Phillips said, which confused me coming the man who told me I would about result to nothing then turning around saying I could help stop the war.

“I am sorry sir, I don't understand” I said in a confused tone.

“Since your stunt with the weapons facility, the government think that you will lead us to a new and brighter era where there is peace not war, and take down HYDRA. You are the team to do that” He said.

“Well, as long as we can get this war over and done, I'm in” Dum Dum Dugan said and the others nodded with Bucky staying silent. “Looks like it is official, Captain Rogers?” he asked, “I will do what is right” I answer, Peggy smiled at me and I smiled back. We are dismissed from the tent, and sent on our way. We spent the rest of the day wondering around the camp and playing cards in the tent, we were all bored to death.

_3 rd Person POV_

 

The Howling Commando's sat around a small table in their tent; they looked at each other intently.

“You cheated” Gabe said in shock, as he looked at the card James Falsworth placed on top of the stack of cards placed on the table.

“I did no such thing” James Falsworth replied in disgust

“You did so” Gabe retaliated

“You are just angry because I won fair in square” Falsworth replied with a calm tone, unlike Gabe.

“Gentlemen, settle down before someone loses a limb” Dum Dum intervened.

“I say let them go at, it's entertainment for all of us” Jim Morita said, Dum Dum Dugan gave him a glare.

 

“Are you guys seriously going to have an argument about a game of cards?” asked Dum Dum, after a long silence Gabe apologized for the accusation and James accepted. They began to play again when Bucky, who was lying on his bed with his eyes closed but with ear listening inattentively.  “You guys sure like your card games” he said.

 “Well when you have nothing else to do, cards are the only way” Dum Dum Dugan replied, the others snickered.

 “I going to go have a shower” Bucky said as he grabbed my stuff and left Steve and the Howling Commando's in the tent while he headed to the showers.


	3. Chapter 3

_Steve's POV_

 

Once Bucky left for the showers, I thought I might tell the others about what happened in the Hydra facility. I jumped off my bed and walked to the others sitting at the small table, “Can I ask a question?” I ask, they all give each other a glance at one another. “Let me guess, about Bucky?” Dum Dum Dugan asked. I was a little surprised, but they obviously knew something was up with him. “Yeah, what happened in the Hydra base?” I asked.

 

“Well, when the 107th got captured, Zola picked some of us; he said it would benefit us if we follow their orders without question” Dum Dum said with a spite of anger. “Then we were sent to different cells, Bucky was with me. We tried to come up with a plan to escape, but we were caught. Bucky took responsibility for it saying he should take the punishment instead of me and a few others. Zola thought he would be useful, and took him somewhere. I don’t know what happened after that” Dum Dum finished feeling guilty for letting Bucky take the punishment. I felt sick in his stomach, I saw my best friend lying on the metal table delirious.

 

 I felt even sicker knowing that my best friend was taken by Zola and he had experimented on him. _I will kill Zola, for what he has done_ I thought. “You okay, Rogers?” Gabe asked in a concerned voice. I looked up to see everyone’s eyes on me; I nodded with a small smile. I take my leave of the commandos and walk outside of the tent to get fresh air.

                                                                                                         

I walk ominously through the camp; soldiers looked at me and gave me a smile as they passed. “Captain!” exclaimed a voice. I turned around to see the familiar woman standing outside of her tent. “Agent Carter” I answer, she gives me a smile that could light up anyone’s day. She walks to me, and I meet her halfway. “How are you?” she asked.

“I’m good you?” I answered shyly

“Very busy, the Colonel wants me to do lots of things before we get back to HQ. How is your friend? He didn’t look well this morning” She asked

 

“Um, I don’t really know, he doesn’t want to talk and he can be more stubborn than me” I answer, she gave me a smirk.

“I am sure you will get through to him.” She said sympathetically. I smiled at her words, she was so out of my league but she was basically the only woman who would actually talk to me. “Let’s hope so” I said with a sigh.

“So, I guess I will see in New York” she said with a smile

“Yeah, I guess you will” I replied.

 

“Maybe while you are there you could find the right partner to go dancing with” Peggy said.

“What if I already found the right partner” I answer back, with a cheeky smirk.

“Well she is a very lucky person” Peggy replied mirroring the smirk I gave her. “I better get back to work, see you later Steve” and with that she walked away from me, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. She walked with such purpose and she was definitely one of a kind. I smiled to myself, _maybe there might be a chance._

 

3rd POV

 

Bucky stumbled out of the shower tent; he looked around him only to see Steve talking to Agent Carter. He smiled at the sight; he walked towards his tent not wanting to interrupt them.

“Do you want to play?” asked Frenchie with his thick French accent as Bucky entered the tent. James Falsworth was sleeping on his bed nearby

“Why not” Bucky replied as he sat in between Gabe and Jim Morita. Dum Dum parsed Bucky some cards.

“How’s sleepy over there” Bucky asked referring to Falsworth

“Well he complained of not having enough sleep and he needed tea immediately otherwise he would and  I quote ‘would die’ and then he decided to stop complaining after Gabe threatened him and went to sleep” Dum Dum answered  everyone laughed at their whining English friend.

 

 

A loud moan appeared coming from the English commando as he rolled over facing the group

“Chaps, please refrain from talking you lower the IQ of the whole camp whenever you utter a syllable and yes I indeed need tea to survive it is one of the things we English stand by and without it our nation would fall” James Falsworth  said in a matter- of- fact manner

 

 

“Where's Steve?” asked Gabe.

“Right here” Steve said as he entered the tent, everyone's gaze set upon Steve,

 “How’s Agent Carter?” Bucky asked with a cheeky grin. The Howling Commandos all raised their eyebrows at Steve. Bucky noticed Steve blush; he opened his mouth and shut it again. He looked away from us.

“Captain, are you blushing?” Gabe teased.

“No” he replied

“Mr America has a crush” Falsworth said with a smile, Steve glared at all of them.

“No I don't” Steve said defensively, everyone else was trying not to laugh or smile.

“Sure, we believe you” Jim Morita replied with a mischievous smile.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

The trip back to New York had been delayed for a few more days, which got a collective groan of annoyance from everyone. They all sat bored out of their mind in the tent in the early stages of evening, playing cards had become tiresome. A soldier entered the tent which caught the attention of everyone as they sat up from their uncomfortable beds. “Sargent Barnes?” he asked looking around the tent, he held an envelope in his hands. Bucky shot up from his bed, “Right here” he said with enthusiasm.

 

The soldier passed the envelope to Bucky who quickly looked at the envelope t was addressed to him, but the writing wasn’t familiar, teared the envelope open to look at the piece of paper inside. The soldier exited the tent; they all looked at Bucky attentively. “Who’s sending you letters?” asked Dum Dum. Steve looked at Bucky intrigued; he also got up from his bed and stood beside Bucky looking over his shoulder to see what the envelope contained.

 

_Bucky’s POV_

The letter read,

_Dear Mr Barnes_

_We deeply regret to inform you that Connie. Elizabeth Williams was killed on 18 th October, 1943. A bomb hit the hospital where she was stationed and there were no survivors. Connie would often talk about you, about how happy she was with you and I quote “I would never leave my knight in shining armour”. It is a tragedy that this war causes so many deaths, and we all hope for your well-being and all the others soldiers, Connie will be greatly missed and all our condolences to you and her family._

_Matron_

_Jane. R. Robertson_

The words kept rolling in my head, unable to process what I had just read. _I've lost her,_ I thought. All I wanted to here was her voice and her laugh that could bring joy to anyone, to see her smile. But that would never happen; no matter how hard I tried nothing could bring Connie back. Tears rolled down my cheeks, my hands were shaking. Before I knew it, the letter was falling to the ground I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest.

 

I only stared at the fallen letter on the dusty ground. Silence rang around me, my body felt as if it had been frozen. It felt like a nightmare and I just wanted to wake up, I wanted to be in a world where Connie was there, no war, Steve and I were at home living our lives. But that dream was nowhere in sight, only this bleak, bloody world where men, women and children were dying around him and nothing he did fixed it.

 

Without realizing it my feet were moving out of the tent and they weren’t stopping and I didn’t intend to stop either. I wanted to escape this infinite darkness, but wherever I looked nothing changed. I jumped the fence and headed into the large forest filled with trees. I kept running faster and faster, until I was out of breath and my legs gave way. I fell face first into the dirt ground, my muscles were aching and tears streamed down my face.

 

 

I sat up slowly, and felt all the emotions that I had been keeping in rushing out of me in a scream of anguish. I wanted so badly to leave and never come back, but I didn’t have the strength to do so. I felt a gust of cold wind hit my body; I sat against a large tree in a huddle, trying to keep warm. The tears had become cold on my cheeks and my body was numb as I tried to get warm. I couldn’t move, I was isolated by my own emotions.

 

I heard large footsteps heading towards my direction; I didn’t bother looking up to see who it was, my eyes were glued to the ground in front of me instead. I could see a familiar boots standing in front of me, the man crouched in front of me; I looked up at him, my brown eyes met his clear blue eyes. He gave me a sympathetic expression as he placed his hand on my shoulder; I looked at him with glassy eyes.

 

He sat more comfortably next to me resting his back on the tree. We sat shoulder to shoulder for a while silently. Soon the stars had come out and lit the sky as it began to fade into a darker shade of blue. “One day Steve, we will be flying in the sky” I said out of blue.

“Yeah, why would we be up there?” he asked

“Beats being down here, at least up there it is peaceful and calm whereas down here is chaotic and a mess” I answered

 

“True, but you would miss out on everything happening down here” Steve said

“Well that wouldn’t entirely suck; there isn’t a war in the sky”

I felt myself becoming colder as it became darker and darker, and I knew Steve noticed when he put his arm around my shoulder.

“Okay, I promise one day we will steal a plane and fly it into the sky and never come back down” Steve said

“Sounds like a plan” I said with a hint of a smile

 

“We should head back otherwise we will freeze” Steve said as he began to stand, but I didn’t move, I starred at a patch of dirt on the ground. I felt a cold tear run down the side of my face.

“I miss her Steve” I said, I bit my lip as I felt more tears spill from my eyes. Steve moved his hand in front of me waiting for me take it.

 

I did and as I rose to my feet, I realized I had a cramp in my knee. “I’m so sorry Buck, for everything that has happened to you” Steve said as he wrapped his arms around me in an embrace. His body was warm which heated my body. He let go of me and put both of his arms on my shoulders and stared into my tired eyes.

“Buck, I will always be with you” he said with a small smile.

“Until the end of the line” I finished his sentence putting my hands on his shoulders.


	5. Epilogue

Steve and Bucky walked back to the camp and entered their tent where the Howling Commando’s gave Bucky a sympathetic smile, Bucky made his way to his bed and collapsed onto it, he may not be at the home or the city he grew up in, but he found a home in Steve and Steve found his home in Bucky. And as long they stuck together and never gave up on one another they could conquer the world. With that thought Bucky’s eyes began to close, his last thought before he fell into a deep sleep was of Connie and he could see her beautiful eyes looking at him and the sound of her laugh entered Bucky’s mind. _I will always love you Bucky no matter what,_ her voice warmed his heart as his eyes to a close.

  _I will always love you Connie no matter what._

_The End_

 


End file.
